Working with young people is a privilege we, as mentors, cherish. Using Solution-Focused Therapy, we listen and question the young people we meet. This helps them find solutions to their challenges in life.
Through learning about what is worrying them and how they are coping we are able to help them move forward. Having spent over seven years in schools, I’d like to share some thoughts.
At the core of our work is the belief that each individual is unique. They have different brains, life experiences, and challenges. We don’t provide answers; we work with them to find their own. We tell them, “Only you are the expert in you.” They are best suited to find their solutions. This makes our work fascinating and rewarding.
Over time we have realised our work helping teenagers is around 4 main areas:
1. Managing Emotions
Everyone experiences emotions, but we handle them differently. We find a useful approach is to ask mentees to identify the emotion they struggle with.
As Dan Siegel, a well-known Psychiatrist explains we must ‘Name it to Tame it’.
When they identify the feeling we can explore with them how they have handled this emotion in the past. The brain can’t hold an emotion and an activity at the same time.
Asking what they’ve done to feel better often leads to unique and surprising answers. Some play games, get creative, learn Korean or even mend old typewriters.
2. Self Esteem / Self Confidence
The teenage years are tough as brains are rewiring for adulthood. Research shows brains tend to focus on the negative, leading to self-doubt and unhelpful thoughts.
Many mentees find it helpful to use positive self-talk. One way to do this is; talking to ourselves as we talk to a good friend. We are often far harder on ourselves than we would ever be to our friends.
3. Relationships and Communication
Mentees often struggle with friendships and family relationships. We encourage them to reflect on the times when these relationships worked well or what they want to be different.
A useful working tool is; while we can’t control others, we can control how we respond to their behaviour.
Mentees are able to find examples of when they have managed to control their reactions and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting in the moment.
4. Organising work / School Life
Many mentees find it hard to organise their work and life. They often say things like, “X always happens” or “Y never happens.”
Breaking these statements down, we find exceptions when things went better than predicted. Students realise they can take control; if they managed to change things once they can do it again.
In conclusion, our approach is to question and listen very carefully to answers. The answers are as varied and unique as the individuals we work with.
As Nancy Klein, a renowned author has pointed out ‘The brain that contains the problem also contains the solution.’
When mentees recall times they coped it shows them they have the strengths and abilities to achieve change and their individual solutions shine through.
