I’ve been reading a book by David Yeager called The Science of Motivating Young People 10 to 25. In it, Yeager explains something called the “neurobiological incompetence model.” This idea claims that teenagers naturally lack the brain development needed for advanced thinking, planning, or self-control. According to this view, teens are seen as “broken” because their prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that helps with these skills — is not fully developed yet.
He goes on to say, however, there is growing evidence to suggest that this model is inaccurate and that young people are not ‘problems to be managed’ but instead are ‘resources to be cultivated’.
Yeager asserts that young people are motivated by a desire to attain status and respect. When an adult believes them to be ‘incompetent’ the tendency is for the adult to take over all decision-making and planning, often resorting to just telling the young person what they should do. This has the effect of making the young person feel disrespected and so they reject the adult guidance.
Yeager argues that adolescents are capable of high-level thought and that they perform best when adults have high expectations combined with scaffolded support.
This principle of high expectations with scaffolded support is what we use in our solution-focused mentoring. We assume that the young person is the ‘expert’ in what works best for them and that they have the motivation and resources to make changes for the better. We offer ‘scaffolded support’ in the form of questions that help the young person to work out what is the best way forward without us ever telling them what they should do.
The premise of solution-focused is:
- What do they want instead?
- What are they already doing that is helping
- What skills, strengths and abilities are they already showing?
- What else would make a difference?
The process helps them to feel that:
- Change is possible.
- They are capable.
A possible conversation might go:
Teen: It’s not fair, I got another detention for being late for school.
You: So, you are fed up getting detentions?
Teen: Yes
You: How would you like things to be instead?
Teen: I want to be able to spend my lunchtimes relaxing and chatting with my friends.
You: Have you had any lunchtimes when that was possible?
Teen: Yes
You: What was different on that day?
Teen: I wasn’t late for school.
You: How did you manage to not be late for school?
Teen: I caught the earlier bus.
You: How did you manage that?
Teen: I got up on time.
You: How did you manage to get up on time?
Teen: I wasn’t as tired as usual.
You: Why weren’t you as tired?
Teen: I had stopped gaming a bit earlier and gone to bed.
You: What else?
Teen: I listened to some music.
You: What difference did that make?
Teen: It helped me to relax.
You: So, doing things to relax at bedtime was helpful?
Teen: Yes.
You: What else might help you relax?
Teen: Having a hot shower before I go to bed.
You: Anything else?
Teen: Doodling is fun, I like drawing funny aliens.
You: Anything else?
Teen: Can’t think of anything.
You: OK, so doing things like having a hot shower, listening to music and doodling help you relax before bed. This helps you sleep better so that you can wake up when your alarm goes off in the morning. You then get the earlier bus, get to school on time and can enjoy lunchtime with your friends.
Teen: Yes
You: Is there anything else that might help?
Teen: I could set an alarm when I’m gaming in the evening that reminds me to stop at a reasonable time.
You: Anything else?
Teen: I could make sure I leave my notebook and pens by my bed to inspire me to doodle.
You: Anything else?
Teen: Don’t think so.
You: What difference would it make to you if you did these things?
Teen: I think I would feel calmer and less stressed in the morning and not as cross and fed-up at school. I think I would enjoy the day more because I would be with my friends at lunchtime and also not be so tired in lessons.
You: Sounds like a plan!
We know from experience, there can be a lot of ‘Don’t know’, in answer to our questions. We find it helps to give them time to think. Silence is uncomfortable. If we hold our nerve, don’t jump in with our own answer, or another question, they will very often come up with something. Their answers are rarely what we would have suggested but they are what works for them.
Next time your teen is struggling with something, try not to tell them what they should do. Instead, ask the questions, be curious, without judgement, and wait to be surprised by what they come up with!
